You Know You’ve Been in Indonesia Too Long If…

One of my friends shared this and it’s been a while since I was there but it still tickles me. I hope you enjoy it 🙂 I’ll just say now that I love fried bananas with chocolate sauce and cheese and yes, I need a blanket at night even when it’s 28 degrees. Enjoy.P1000838

You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn’t have paved them.

You can drive 60 kmh two inches from cars on either side of you, but cannot back into a parking space in an empty lot without two guys yelling “Kiri…Kiri Terus, Terus, Terus…”

You can kill cockroaches with your bare feet

The footprints on the toilet seat are your own

You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue

You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day

You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift

It has become exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anybody else can get off

You’re willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn’t go to within a kilometer of at home

It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting

You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “up to you mister”

You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue

You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car

You accept without question the mechanic’s analysis that the car is broken and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed

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You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach

You think the Proton and Kijang are stylish and well built cars

You answer the telephone with “Hello” more than 2 times

You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu

A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine

You believe everything you read in the local newspaper

You regard traffic signals, stop signs and copy watch peddlers with ignorance

If when listening to the pilot prove he can’t speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the Air Traffic Controllers

You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different

You’re not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb

You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge for same day service

Chickens’ feet are an acceptable snack.

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Taxi drivers understand you

You own a rice cooker

Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world

You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants

When crossing a busy street you believe that a limp wrist motion with your right arm creates a force field that repels oncoming traffic

Suitable family entertainment for Friday night is to dress the whole family in dark clothing and dash back and forth across Jalan Sudirman and other busy streets

You think it’s logical to dry your hands with Kleenex

Someone tells you that 10 kbs is a pretty good download speed

There is no discount for what is clearly a demo model

McDonald’s is out of hamburgers and KFCs is out of chicken

You ask a person taking your order, “Do you have cheeseburgers?” and the server responds, “Yes, we do.” And so you say, “OK, I’ll order a cheeseburger.” And the server says, “I’m sorry, we’re out of cheeseburgers.”

You can walk into a five-star hotel lobby unshaven, in jogging shorts, ratty t-shirt and flip-flops and DON’T get an awkward glance from the management.

A bathroom with four attendants is so disgustingly filthy that you wouldn’t step into it back home … and one of those attendants sole job is to hand you flimsy, single-ply toilet paper to dry your hands.

You look left, right, backwards, forwards, up and down before crossing a one way street.

You’ve seen every hollywood blockbuster three weeks before its premier

You know at least fifty anachronisms

You start to pronounce ‘the’ as ‘de’

You carry tissues in your pocket for ’emergency stops’

You answer the phone in Bahasa Indonesia

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You consider an 18 year old getting on a bit

The term “Blok M” starts sounding like a glittering venue for shopping and nightlife rather than part of a concentration camp

The blowpipe salesmen stop trying to sell you a blowpipe

The titles “Mr. Bob” and “Miss Barbara” begin to sound normal to you

Someone says they are “going to go to Slipi,” and you don’t think they are using baby talk

You find a fly in your Bintang, and you fish the fly out with a spoon and drink it anyway

You find a fly in your Bintang, and you drink it fly and all. (That’s how you know you have really been in Indonesia too long).

you make at least two visits a day to a coffee shop when you’re in the mall you are no longer confused when you are asked if you want some ‘beep bacon’ (beef bacon) with your eggs.

You think getting dressed up means throwing on a batik shirt with your shorts and sandals

You consider red lights, stop signs, traffic lanes and one-way street mere suggestions.

You no longer look before crossing a busy highway on foot, just assume that the motorists will see and avoid you.

You wash your hands after finishing the meal instead of before

You can ride side-saddle on the back of a motorbike, holding groceries, and don’t feel the need to hold on

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You start to sprinkle shelf-stable pseudo-cheese on all your desserts (best on fried bananas with chocolate sauce)

You aren’t scared to drink the tap water

You aren’t scared to eat at a warung right next to a garbage dump.

It’s 28°C in the house and you have no fan but still need to cover up with a blanket in order to sleep

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